True longevity[lon-jev-i-tee]nounLiving a long life; influenced by genetics, environment, and lifestyle.Learn MoreClose is built on more than a solid diet and regular movement. It takes strong, supportive relationships, too.

Of all the longevity factors researchers study, social connection is one of the most consistently underestimated. Not social media. Not networking. Actual, authentic human contact, the kind where people feel seen. I’ve spent years teaching a three-part framework that helps people connect faster than most of us think possible. I call it the Head-Heart-Core practice. All it takes is sharing three truths:

1. What you think (Head) 
2. What you feel (Heart)
3. What you want (Core) 

This strategy may seem simple, but it gives you the internal clarity to name your emotions, and the external ability to articulate them to others, which is a superpower that helps give you the power to connect with anyone, immediately. 

What follows is an excerpt from my book, Just One Word: The Surprisingly Simple Method to Discover Your Purpose and Unleash Your Power, which contains a full chapter on Head-Heart-Core, a simple strategy for building authentic connection. Here, you’ll learn to identify these three truths, and express yourself with fuller authenticity.

How to Get to The Fullest Expression of your Authentic Self

Very few of us have been taught how to be authentic. Sometimes we learn as we wander through our lives, stumbling around conflicting thoughts, feelings, desires, trying to express them in a way that makes sense. This was certainly the case with me. I was raised to be polite, and as I grew up my superpower was being a chameleon who could morph her scales to fit any setting or situation. This allowed me to move through many worlds and circles with ease, but it also made it tough to discern my own preferences from what was expected of me. Even today as a forty-something grown-ass woman, I often find myself mindlessly going with the flow in order to keep the peace, instead of aligning with my truth.

When most of us have something important to share with someone, we hem and haw. We start with a buffer, we pour sugar on top, we make the explanation way longer than necessary—and in the process, we can utterly confuse the other person. Like rambling souls in an oversharing circle, we barricade our true selves with a wall of filler words.

Kids are not like this. When my daughter was five, she went through a phase where she was totally opposed to shoes. Phoebe was anti-sandal, anti-sneaker, and anti-anything that would separate her soles from the earth. As much as I admire her resoluteness, we live in a shoe-loving society. The constant fight to get Phoebe to put on her shoes when we left the house made that chapter of single parenting even more challenging.

But you know what was not challenging? Understanding how she really felt about shoes. Why? Because she was so clear, and she naturally spoke from the Head, Heart, and Core. She said, “Mom, shoes hurt my feet. When I put them on my feet sweat and slip inside of them. It feels gross. I’m not gonna wear them.”

With the exception of the highly inconvenient conclusion, it’s pretty much a perfect Head-Heart-Core soliloquy. She dished out the facts, she shared her feelings, and she stated her desires. Each was no more than a sentence or two long. And while I could argue and disagree, I was never unclear about where she stood on the issue and why.

How Real Do You Want to Be?

The Head-Heart-Core framework isn’t just for five-year-olds. This method has been proven at companies like Google, where I have taught and certified leaders to facilitate this protocol for their teams. Google values authenticity, but their lives are also scheduled down to the minute and they don’t have time to waste. So it’s all about getting real… fast.

Head-Heart-Core helps you unearth your most candid thoughts, feelings, and desires in a short, concise format, then turn them into words. The end result is deeper internal understanding, and the ability to express what you think, feel, and want. 

Here’s the premise: There are three places from which we can speak our truth: the Head (factual truth), the Heart (emotional truth), and the Core (desire-based truth). When you put them all together, it becomes the fullest expression of your authentic self.

It’s really that simple. Share your Head truths (facts), your Heart truths (feelings), and your Core truths (desires), and you’ll instantly connect with the people around you.

But first you need to ask yourself, “How real do I want to be?” This is an honest and necessary self-inquiry before attempting Head-Heart-Core. It’s okay to say “Not very.” Living in your truth doesn’t mean you have to bare your soul to every person who crosses your path. 

Recently I was on an exhausting business trip where I was with groups of people nonstop for several days. By the end of the trip, I found myself in yet another Lyft driver’s back seat. As he launched into questions about my childhood, ready to get his chat on, a wave of pure dread rushed through me. I thought, I simply cannot connect with one more human right now.

I wanted to be real with him but was too tired for chitchat. So I chose to stay in my integrity around this by using Head-Heart-Core. I told him the facts (I’d had a pretty intense trip and my social battery was low), my feelings (I was emotionally exhausted), and my desire (I’d be so grateful to have a quiet ride).

Upon receiving my short, direct, clear, and kind expression of where I was at, he happily obliged and we cruised along in blissful silence. And the best part? This interaction had no negative impact on my Lyft rating!

In general, it’s been my experience that the more real we are—first with ourselves, then with others—the better things turn out. Sure, ghosting or avoiding or dodging or placating might feel like the more ease-filled or polite option in the moment, but given the mental load they create, it’s often not best for everyone in the long run.

I won’t pretend I’ve mastered this. There are still days I go with the flow when I should speak up, or stay quiet when someone deserves my honesty. But Head-Heart-Core has given me something I didn’t have before: a way back to myself when I drift. And in my experience, the relationships that have survived the hardest chapters, the ones that actually feel like home, are the ones where we’re all willing to get a little more real.

Get Real With Me

Want to learn exactly how to do it? Read my new book Just One Word, out on May 19, 2026. Or sign up for one of my coaching sessions or summits. I’ll teach you the most important lessons, and share stories about how they’ve changed the lives of people all over the world.

This is an adapted excerpt from JUST ONE WORD by Erin Weed. Copyright © 2026 by Erin Weed. Used by arrangement with Balance, an imprint of Grand Central Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

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